I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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