We got so high we made milksteak
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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