you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
