I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Who died my cat blue again?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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