So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
