YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
