If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
