I am puke
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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