does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
