you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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