Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
