Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
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