I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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