There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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