The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
