Who did Billy Mays play for?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
