Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
