3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
