ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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