And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
