My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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