did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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