Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
