They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
