You can't special order awesome
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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