He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
tonight lets celebrate not being married
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
