put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize