So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
