Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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