just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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