I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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