She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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