If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
