he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
