Little spoons don't ask big questions
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize