You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
