All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
