sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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