Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize