About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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