our cab driver is having phone sex.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize