Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
