That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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