In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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