If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
50% drunk capacity currently
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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