I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
