My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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