Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
