if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
