he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
