The maid of honor just puked.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
