you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
