you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
