It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize