We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
