I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
