I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
