i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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