Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
