seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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