I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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