talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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