Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Randomize
