Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
