I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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