just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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