Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
