I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
